How to Cosplay like a Pro

Costume play, or "cosplaying", has evolved into an important part of what many gamers consider the convention hall experience. At events like PAX and Comic-Con, individuals have the liberty to dress like their favorite characters without the social stigma normally associated with emulating a giant bear that molests children. But there are important things to remember when cosplaying to ensure that you get the most out of your efforts, and so that you don't end up on some hack blogger's top ten worst dressed list. Below are some essential tips that will help separate the cos-playas from the cos-posers.

- Match the Tone of the Event
Most do this automatically, but not everyone truly captures the spirit of the event they're attending. Going as a Klingon to E3 or Comic-Con is certainly acceptable, but Star Trek was not borne of the mediums that either of those events were intended to endorse. It would be more appropriate to go as characters within those IP's but created for mediums that respect your convention, like Force Unleashed's Starkiller. Additionally some events cater to younger audiences, so consider that before slipping on that g-string/gun-holster combo.

Writing Samples

These three posts are writing samples.

Depressing Valentine's Day Card Quotes

Valentine's Day is lurching ever closer, it's soaking jet-black hair draped over it's brow to conceal the terrible monster hidden beneath. As a miserable single guy who absolutely detests social ceremony, it's a day that only serves to make me more miserabler. So, in the spirit of giving myself some company, I came up with some text for depressingly truthful Valentine's Day cards. I thought they were kinda funny when I wrote them, but, rereading them, I think I may have overshot the "depressing" mark a little...

Still, feel free to use these on any cards you may feel inclined to give to people you hate, with the caveat that copyright law says I can hunt you down and take your stomach out with a spatula if you try to distribute them for profit.

Enjoy!

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"I just like to see you smile, even if it's a pitiful smile because we both know you're not interested in me."

"Here's a card because I like you or whatever. Really though, I'm just super depressed and afraid that if I don't participate in this activity I'll be socially ostracized, pushing me further into a downward spiral that I'm afraid I can't climb out of. So, happy Valentine's Day."

"If I had any balls I would've left you years ago, but I don't so here's a treat to distract you from our day-to-day agony."

"Earning your affection is my last-ditch attempt at joining normal society. Please, for the love of God, do not reject me."

"You're the most beautiful thing I've ever seen. I know I don't tell you that enough, but I don't want you to realize how far out of my league you are. Seriously, don't leave me or I'll kill myself."

"I hope this gesture doesn't ruin the tentative romantic engagement we've had thus far. I get the impression we're not vibing well, but I really need to get my rocks off before I lose my fucking mind."

"I've never loved anyone more than you. That shouldn't be creepy just because we've never spoken to each other before."

"You'll be in my heart forever, or at least until the desperate loneliness finishes me."

"Without you weighing me down, I might be able to get back on my feet again. But, for some reason, I think I'll let you keep holding on..."

"Your warmth cascades over me like heat from a beating desert sun. Your passion sings louder than a sea of volcanoes vomiting in sequence and your love crushes me like a star falling from the heavens. I know you hate soaring metaphors, but I used them to avoid hurting your feelings because I cannot keep these complaints to myself anymore. Also, please stop making those mouth noises when we're watching TV."

"I'm pretty sure we'll be alright, eventually."

"I often think, 'this is a love that will last forever.' Today is one of those days!"

The Dark Side of Game Testing

     Video game testing is the kind of job most people automatically assume is wonderful. Getting paid to deathmatch, teabag co-workers, and overdose on free caffeinated drinks for at least eight hours a day sounds like a raucous good time, many might say. People seem to forget that game testing is still a job and, like any job, it comes with its fair share of mind-numbing objectives and office drama. Sure, game testing is chest-slappingly easy and arguably more fun than a typical job, but don't convince yourself that you'll love it until you've tried it.

     In fact, as a lifelong gamer, I've come to fucking hate game testing. Having worked for a few different companies on more than 10 titles (mostly uncredited), it's left me with a distaste for monotony and pure, boiling hatred for inefficient policy. Many great things about game testing exist, but they come with a price that, for irritable people like me, far outweighs the benefits. So, in the spirit of the holidays, here are my top reasons working as a game tester suckles moist cat balls.

The Ungodly Repetition is Ungodly.

     It should come as no surprise that testing is an extremely repetitive task; you're not going to find serious issues without incessantly probing for them in ways only slightly less different than the last one you tried. Be ready to be pushed to the extremes of your mental and sometimes even physical fortitude, presuming that you got into game testing partially because you're fortitude isn't exceptional.

The Value of Faith Against Uncertainty

Faith seems to be in diminishing quantity these days. Polls show organized religion is on the decline in America and many other nations, and people still claiming religious belief are visiting their respective houses of worship far less than their forefathers typically did. This fact may be due to millennia of religious oppression, corruption, and even occasionally unbridled malintent culminating into a degenerated concept that is now often treated with scrutiny and a palpable degree of suspicion. Sometimes it is, instead, outright contempt.

Frankly, I do not discourage those who have a distaste for religion, and nor do I particularly care about this aspect. But I fear that devaluating "the power of faith" will cost us Americans a valuable trait, when it’s stripped free of what consistently seem to be symbolic religious associations, that is. Faith is vastly underestimated as a positive quality, so I would like to speak about the potential advantage of having faith, unbound by preconceived ties to religion.

My 9 Favorite Survivor Mistakes

Clearly taking my love for Left 4 Dead a bit too far, I decided to write about some of the mistakes that entertain me the most.
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1) Failing to Heal Each Other:

In a survival situation, our instincts are likely to best benefit our own interests, so I can see why this is such a common mistake. But by not healing your teammates, you inhibit your own ability to stay alive. For each person lost, a significant portion of the odds in one's favor are forfeited, and with the Infected typically focusing on the weakest enemies, it will not be long before they overcome you. I also take special pleasure in watching Survivors wait for their limping comrades when they could be healing them, which gives me more time to spawn and make matters worse.

2) Shooting When You Should Be Swinging:

As a Survivor you will constantly be pressed to quickly decide between punching and shooting to free a captured ally, yet people often seem choose the one that takes the longest to be effective. Each strike brings your team one step closer to losing and they add up quickly, so you want to release allies as soon as possible. I offer this as a general rule of thumb; always be running towards captured teammates while shooting, and once you reach them, melee to save them. If you are stationary, you get two shots before you must resort to punching. I chose two because you do not want anyone to die while watching you miss more than two potentially point blank shots...

Left 4 Dead review

I have been playing Left 4 Dead on the PC almost incessantly, so I decided to up and write a review about it. Posted to GameFAQs.com, it is ludicrously long at over 3,500 words so I am sure you can see for yourself that I got a little carried away. But, if you were on the fence about buying it, I think I covered most of the bases and this article will likely help swing your vote. I should have left out the gameplay tips and some other things, but hey, mistakes are part of getting better .

Here is a link, as I feel it would have cluttered this page, which does not need any help being ugly:

http://www.gamefaqs.com/computer/doswin/review/R130572.html

A poem (no title)

I wrote this about a year ago, and while it is quite over-dramatic, I still like it. Let me know what you think: